


Can I Still Be Your Sweetheart?

by sir_kingsley



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Baseball, Getting Back Together, Jock Dean Winchester, M/M, Post-Break Up, dean/others - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-11 12:03:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19927783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sir_kingsley/pseuds/sir_kingsley
Summary: They had agreed to stay friends after the breakup. Easier said than done of course.





	Can I Still Be Your Sweetheart?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello! Just a little college au one-shot.

They had agreed to stay friends after the breakup. Easier said than done of course.

In reality, Cas had spent the first month after their relationship ended avoiding Dean like the plague. He had been the one to call things off and the idea of seeing Dean, having to relive the hurt he had caused, Cas couldn’t bear it.

But it’s college after all and they were bound to run into each other at some point.

The first time happens at a movie theater and Dean’s reaction to seeing Cas leaves Cas gutted. He sits mortified while Dean gets up and flees the theater like it’s on fire. The instinct to follow is strong but Cas knows he no longer has that right. He chose to end things. So he sits in that pain and discomfort and doesn’t process a single frame of the film.

The second is at a party and Dean completely ignores him. There’s an unspoken physical boundary that neither dares to cross and Dean’s eyes never wander in Cas’s direction after that initial contact. Cas goes home early, claiming a stomachache and he isn’t even lying.

The third is in a hallway on the way to class. Dean doesn’t look alarmed this time, just mumbles a soft “excuse me” without meeting Cas’s eyes and hurrying in the opposite direction. Somehow it almost hurts worse than being ignored.

Baseball season begins and usually Cas is among the first through the gate, claiming the best seats by third base so Dean can hear his voice. But that’s not necessary anymore and would probably be unwelcome so Cas doesn’t go at all.

The meetings continue as the season does and soon Dean is a casual acquaintance in Cas’s life. They see each other at least once every weekend going out with friends. They don’t talk to each other often and when they do it’s simple pleasantries. Cas eventually works up the courage to congratulate Dean on his team’s winning streak. To his surprise, Dean actually smiles and he shares a story that this time last year would have told while they were in bed, Dean’s arms around wrapped around Cas’s waist and he would kiss Cas’s bare shoulder every time he laughed. It’s the longest conversation they’ve had since the split and Cas barely hears a word of it because he can’t help thinking the setting is all wrong.

Dean gets a girlfriend. At least, Cas assumes that what she is. He sees them together a couple times and they’re always touching it seems, sneaking off to dark corners in bars to kiss, holding hands over the table when they’re all out for lunch. She sits in his lap at parties and Cas feels his fists clench at his sides as she makes herself comfortable in what used to be his spot. Dean used to tease him about it, would flinch and groan until Cas was mocking offense.

_Are you trying to tell me I’m too heavy? Do I need to go find a sturdier chair?_

The groaning would stop then, morphing into a charming smile and Dean would hold Cas closer to him, pepper little kisses all over his neck. _Never, sweetheart. Your place is right here._

Cas thinks about dating, even gets a Tinder. But nothing comes of it because he can’t help but compare everyone he talks to to Dean and accepting that he had the perfect guy and threw him away is a hard pill to swallow.

That was why he’d had to end things in the first place. Because Dean was perfect and he was going to go do great things and be loved by so many people. Cas had known that when he’d started dating the university’s golden boy and it was terrifying at times but he’s always managed to work through it.  
Things started to change near the end of their junior year. That’s when the recruiters really started piling in. Dean was constantly whisked away, meeting with major league coaches, brand consultants, sponsors. Preparing him for his future at the professional level. It was an exciting and proud time for Dean. But it was also incredibly lonely for Cas who had to stay behind and wait.

By the time senior began, it felt less like a relationship and more like a friendship on the brink of exile. They were spending less and less time together. Started arguing when they did manage to squeeze in a few hours. They couldn’t go out together without someone trying to steal Dean away and eventually Cas’s jealousy and irritation turned to guilt. This was Dean’s dream after all. How could Cas claim to love him and yet resent this part of his life? And who was he to hold Dean back?

In the end, it didn’t feel like Cas had much of a choice. He was fairly certain that if he hadn’t called the shot Dean would have in time. 

The championship game is a home game and Cas’s friends talk him into going. He isn’t amongst the first to arrive and his seat is a safe distance from Dean’s base. He doesn’t want to be a distraction even when a dark voice tells him he wouldn’t be because Dean has moved on. Cas is just a bitter part of his past now.

Dean looks wonderful in his uniform, tight pants clinging to his powerful legs and showing off his perfect ass. Cas does try not to ogle but Dean certainly makes it difficult when you add in his broad shoulders and boyish grin, the smooth way that he leaps to make a catch or bends to tag someone out. He makes a few good hits too and Cas can’t help the excitement that rushes through him. He gets on his feet and cheers with everyone else, maybe a little louder than the rest and it’s kind of like old times. Except this time when Dean makes it to home base and runs back to the crowd by third with a big smile, it isn’t for Cas. It’s for _her._ She’s there, cheering, Dean’s number on her back and she brushes his hand through the fence. Cas’s mouth dries up and he sits down to let the couple enjoy their moment.  
The teams wins and the whole city goes mad. Charlie and the rest of their group races to the bar downtown they know the team will be heading to and Cas is dragged along with them. They get a table near the back and Cas sits quietly with his beer.

Everyone knows when the team has made it because it suddenly goes from outstandingly loud to unbearably loud. Cas catches glimpses of Dean through the crowd. He’s smiling with his team which is storming the bar for drinks. People of hollering their congratulations and singing songs of victory at the top of their lungs.

She’s here too. Cas sees her fight through the thick of the crowd until she reaches Dean and he smiles, big and bright, and throws his arms around her, lifts her into the air and she laughs.

Cas forces himself to stop looking and just drinks his beer, refuses to think about the celebration last year when Dean lifted Cas into the bar and screamed we did it, sweetheart! Before kissing Cas long and hard and barely appropriate for a public space right there in front of their friends and what felt like half of campus.

Things begin to calm down. People leave to pursue other parties around town and there’s suddenly a lot more breathing room. Cas ventures to the bathroom trying to zone out the people around him. Which is why he doesn’t notice the couple making out in the corner until he accidentally bumps into them.  
“Oh I’m so sorry,” he says, backing away.

The guy turns around. And of course it’s Dean. And of course he looks flushed, his lips swollen and red and his smiles like a dope until he recognized whose in front of him.

“Oh, shit, h-hey, Cas.”

Cas swallows and looks at the woman behind Dean who looks just as debauched as his ex boyfriend but with messier hair. Dean always liked running his hands through Cas’s hair when they kissed.

“Oh, uh, Cas this is Kara,” Dean introduces. “Kara, this is Cas. A, uh, an old friend.” He wraps his arm around Kara’s waist and Cas tries to breathe through the gravel in his chest.

Kara leans forward with a bright unknowing smile. “Oh, hi! It’s so nice to meet you!”

Cas spins together a smile of his own. “It’s nice to meet you, too.”

“So an old friend, huh? How long have you known Dean?” Kara asks.

The innocent question makes both men flinch. A thousand lies and a dozen ways to spin the truth come to mind but neither of them can seem to say the words.  
Cas eventually lands on a short and vague, “High school” at the same time that Dean says, “just a few years.” Cas doesn’t like his answer but knows he has no right to argue.

If Kara notices the discomfort she doesn’t show it, just laughs at the two of them and says, “Oh you have to tell me some horror stories about high school Dean.”  
“You trying to turn my friends against me?” Dean laughs awkwardly and pulls her closer to him. Cas sees the way Kara melts into the contact, like she’s never been more comfortable than right there tucked into Dean’s side and Cas can totally relate.

“Or course not, babe,” she laughs then turns to Cas with a conspiring smile. “I just want a a little dirt.”

Cas wants the dirt to swallow him. He wants to push these two apart and reclaim his territory. He wants to feel Dean’s arm around him and he wants to shiver whenever Dean kisses his neck or his temple, holds his hand, strokes his cheek. Just touch him in general. He wants to feel it all again and this time he won’t take it for granted he swears it.

But that’s not an option and nobody cares what Cas wants, least of all these two, the love of his life that he abandoned and the woman who picked up the pieces of Cas’s mistake and found bliss.

The couple laughs, drawing Cas out of his head and into their playful banter. “You think I was a bad kid or something?” Dean is asking.

“Oh I’m sure you got up to a few things,” Kara teases. “Right, Cas?”

Cas gives the last of his strength to smile and even he can feel how brittle it is. “No. Dean was perfect. He’s always been perfect.”

Kara’s smile turns sweet and she tilts her head back to stare up at Dean whose staring at the ground. “Awww Mr. Perfect.”

Dean snaps out of whatever he’s thinking to grin and nudge against her. “Told you I was a good kids. Bet your friends couldn’t say the same about you, huh sweetheart?”

Whatever Kara replies, Cas doesn’t hear.

There’s no point in denying that these last few months have been difficult. Miserable. But Cas likes to think he’s handled it to the best of his ability. He understands that he made the decision to end the relationship and he takes responsibility for the damage it did to Dean and himself. He understands that he doesn’t get the right to mourn what was lost. He understands that he doesn’t get to be mad when his friends can’t hang out with him because they’re with Dean. He understands that he doesn’t get to make scenes when he sees Dean in public. He understands that he doesn’t get to be petty or jealous when Dean dates other people and he doesn’t get to explode when he sees Dean kissing other people or holding their hand or letting them sit on his lap.

But apparently, even understanding all of that, he can’t accept that he’s not allowed to cry when he hears Dean call someone else _sweetheart._

The tears come before he’s even aware he’s going to cry and all he can do is stand there and let them fall.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Kara asks, her eyes big and concerned.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean chimes in.

Cas tries to snap to and offers what he supposes is a watery grimace at best. “Please excuse me,” he says as loud as he dare because he can feel the flood coming and is already making a run for the front door.

He runs and then jogs and then stumbles as far as he can, not completely clear on his direction or intended destination. Just knows it needs to be far from where he was.

He finds a bench and doesn’t question it, just sits and wallows.

_Hey, sweetheart._

_Come here, sweetheart._

_Sweetheart, you want pizza for dinner or Thai?_

_Gonna make you feel so good, sweetheart._

_I love you, sweetheart._

Cas buries his head in his hands and let’s the sweet words tear into him.

He made a mistake, a stupid, horrible mistake and he knew the second he did it. But it was too late and now all he could do was live with it. But he’s not even sure he can anymore.

“Cas?”

He looks up at his name and wants to die when he spots Dean. He looks out of breath, his chest heaving, and his face is tight with worry. He approaches slowly when Cas doesn’t respond and sits next to him on the bench, leaving an appropriate amount of space.

“Cas?” he tries again. “What happened?”

Cas shakes his head and wipes at his face roughly. “It’s nothing,” he says quickly. “Where is Kara?”

“She’s still at the bar. We were both worried about you.” He pauses for a moment and Cas feels him shift on the bench. “Do you want to talk about it?”  
Again, Cas shakes his head. “Probably better if we don’t.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Dean doesn’t leave and they sit in silence for a long while. It’s horrible and wonderful at the same time.

“Thanks for coming to the game today,” Dean says quietly. “It meant a lot.”

“You saw me?” Cas asks.

Dean scoffs. “Of course I did. Could never miss you...” His voice trials off at the end.

Cas doesn’t know what to make of that and figures the smart thing was to make nothing of it at all. “You played a great game. Congratulations.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“You should probably get back,” Cas says.

Dean looks surprised. “Oh, uh, okay. Are you good to go home? I can... walk you. If you want.”

God please, Cas wants to beg but he shakes his head knowing it would just hurt worse in the morning. “I’ll be all right.” He stands up. “Tell Kara I’m sorry for worrying her. Have a good night.”

He only makes it a few feet before Dean’s voice cuts in. “Ya know, it never gets easier.”

Cas turns, curious. “What doesn’t?”

Dean’s elbows are braced in his knees and he’s looking at the ground. “Watching you walk away.”

Guilt drenches Cas like a torrential downpour. “I’m sorry,” he whispers meekly knowing they’re inefficient but there aren’t any other words to offers  
Dean shakes his head and looks up. “Does it get easier for you? Walking away from me?”

“No,” Cas says and can’t believe Dean could even think such a thing.

“You know, I used to be so mad at you. I was devastated when you broke up with me, never wanted to see you again. And when I would see you around I was so fucking angry because you always looked like you were fine.” Dean shrugs. “Like I never even mattered.”

Cas listens, absolutely dumbfounded.

Dean stands and looks straight at Cas. “All I wanted was to see you crack. Even if it didn’t mean that we could ever be together again, I just wanted a little sign that you had cared as much about me as I did about you. So when you started crying back there... a little piece of me thought.... well,” he breaks off with a sad laugh, “guess it doesn’t really matter what I thought.” He sighs. “See you around, Cas.”

He starts to walk away and all the panic sets in, propelling Cas after him.

“I didn’t think I was allowed to be upset!” he shouts.

Dean immediately stops and looks at him.

Cas tries to take a deep breath and string the right words together but there’s so much he wants to say and it’s impossible to organize it all. “I-I thought that I couldn’t show how upset I was because.... because I was the one who hurt you. So I tried to not look upset. When I was around you.”

Dean is looking at him like he’s crazy and Cas supposed he kind of is. “Then back there...”

“Seeing you with her always makes me think of how much I miss you. Holding your hand. Kissing you. Just all of the little things I got to do with you. I was jealous but I was always able to keep it together because it’s my fault. But when you called her sweetheart, I...” he smiles, lost and shaky, and lifts his hands in defeat. “I just couldn’t hold it in because... because that was always _my name_ and it hurt t-too m-much.” He can’t hold it back for another second and the tears come freely and loudly.

Just a heartbeat later there are warm arms locking around him and he instinctively buries his face in the familiar chest.

“I’m so sorry,” he says around the sobs. “Dean, I’m so sorry.”

“Shhhh,” Dean soothes him, hands rubbing his back. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“But I hurt you and I ruined everything.”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t fix it, sweetheart.”

Cas shakes his head. “Don’t call me that.”

“But you’re right. It’s your name. I never should have used it on someone else.” Dean’s arms tighten protectively. “I’m so sorry.”

Cas cries for a long time and Dean holds him through it. Eventually they end up on the bench, with Cas half in Dean’s lap and his head in Dean’s shoulder.  
They stare into the darkness ahead of them like a bad omen save for the sturdy lamp post lighting their way.

“What happens now?” Cas whispers.

“I don’t know,” Dean whispers back. “We probably need to have a conversation about what happened. Guess I should talk to Kara too.”

The name is like a bucket of ice water. Cas immediately starts to pull away. “Yeah, she’s probably worried-”

Dean’s hand cups Cas’s cheek and turns his face until Cas is staring Dean dead in the eye. Dean watches him carefully and then smiles, soft and promising. “I need to talk to Kara so I can tell her that I have a sweetheart already. And I’m not letting him go this time.”

The tears threaten to come again but this time Cas hides them against Dean’s lips.


End file.
